Ken's Gen

This is a re-post from my old blog. The original was posted on May 12, 2008 as a part of The Carnival of Genealogy, 48th edition.

I thought long and hard about whether to contribute anything to The Carnival of Genealogy this time around. It’s not that I don’t want to, believe me I enjoy contributing and enjoy reading and promoting The Carnival of Genealogy! The main reason I didn’t want to contribute is because I thought there really wasn’t anything to write about.I couldn’t think of anything to write about. No offense is meant by this but my mother wasn’t really that smart!

Now hold on, don’t start casting stones at me yet! I want you all to understand one thing, I love my mother and nothing will ever change that. I have no intentions of wanting to hurt her or belittle her but she would tell you the same thing! I thought I could just write about my aunt who went back to school and got her diploma when she was in her sixties but if I did, how would that make my mother feel?

Well, I guess I really don’t have anything to worry about because I don’t really think anyone in my family reads my blog!

So, let me just explain my statements and that will be my posting for this carnival!

 My mother was born in 1934, the sixth child of eight. Her mother died in 1940, just before my mom turned 6. She was pretty much raised by her older sisters and you can just imagine how that was. Her oldest sister, the aunt I spoke of earlier, had been married for about 4 months and was pregnant at the time of their mother’s death. Her other two sisters were 15 and 13! In other words, she never really got to experience having a mother. I believe that is part of the reason that she never really tried to attain much.

As far as I know, my mother never graduated high school. I honestly don’t even know if she attended high school. She doesn’t really talk to much about her early life and her oldest sister really just recalls a very tough and troubled childhood for my mom. Whatever the case, she never finished school, never really held a job that I know of. She did drive for a while when she was younger but was stopped in Oklahoma when she was about 20 and, whatever happened scared her enough that she never drove again!

My mom never went too many places. She didn’t read a lot. She just loved to sit at home, watch TV, listen to her Country & Western albums, and that was that.

Does that mean my mom was not smart? No! It means that she had a lot of things buried inside of her and never chose to get any help. Perhaps she was never able to get the help she needed or perhaps she was afraid to ask. There are a lot of buried secrets in my mother’s head. I will never know any of them and neither will any of my siblings. I do know that, in her own way, she was as good a mom as she could be! After all, she had no first-hand experience at mothering. She had no points of reference. She just did what she had experienced all her life!

In her own way, my mother is smarter than some give her credit for! She is tougher than most folks give her credit for. She never had a lot to work with but she managed to make sure that there was food in the house. She managed to make sure we had shoes and clothes! She managed to care for us and nurture us in the best way she could. My dad was not very giving of his money so there had to be some smarts for mom to make things run smoothly at home! I don’t really know what she did with my older siblings because they never really have much to say. I can say that she knew the value of education and did encourage me to do well in school. She took the time to color with me! I remember when I was in my young teenage years and would still sit down with my mother and color with her, just so we could spend time together.

Deep down, I believe my mother had so many talents she could have shared but there was never anyone ready to take the time to let her share them. Now, at age 74 there is no longer any reason to try and share them. I’ve posted one of her poems. I’ve seen her eyes light up at the sound of my brother singing a song he had written. I know there was and still is a longing to share. I just think she gave up on trying a long time ago.

Sometimes, things unsaid say more than those that are said!

I have seen through the years that my mother has talents to share. The problem is that noone has ever taken the time to let her share them! Now, she no longer has any desire for that. The one person she leaned on throughout her life left her in April of 2000. I believe now she just waits for the time she can finally join him again. He’s the one person who truly understood her and knew just how smart she really was.

Is this a bad judgement on my siblings and myself? I stand today and plead “Guilty!” When I was at home, my mother and I had a great relationship and it was my ignorance that caused me to leave home earlier than I should have. If I had stayed and continued that relationship perhaps I would have been able to help her to come out of whatever shell she was in. I chose to spend my time living it up and travelling around. When I settled down and married and had children of my own, I could see how much love she had for them and I believe she has soaked up the love they have for her.

Smart? I don’t know that she is book smart or street smart. I simply believe she is smart enough to be a survivor! I believe she is a lot smarter than any of her children give her credit for! Shame on me for thinking otherwise!